


Slip to the void

by MyFandomCausesHanaji



Category: Cyberpunk 2077 (Video Game)
Genre: Accept Hanako's offer ending, Angst, Epilogue: Where Is My Mind, Gen, Spoilers, V and Johnny adopted the cat, cats just feel things, don't know how, the cat misses Johnny too, the devil ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:01:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28219635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyFandomCausesHanaji/pseuds/MyFandomCausesHanaji
Summary: It is quiet, here, and it is even quieter in her head now, and she feels like she is drowning in this silence accompanying the gaping hole in her soul.Grief, that’s what it is.She doesn’t know who she is grieving for. Johnny. Herself. That part that was cut off that was them both.
Relationships: Johnny Silverhand & Female V, Johnny Silverhand/Female V, Johnny Silverhand/V
Comments: 14
Kudos: 49





	Slip to the void

**Author's Note:**

> I just needed some way to process this and I guess this is it.  
> Cried my eyes out at that ending, seriously. Haven't cried like that since ~~Titanic~~ Mass Effect.
> 
> Pls read tags, this is about the Devil ending, the epilogue that follows accepting Hanako's offer.
> 
> If you didn't go for this ending (I suspect not so many did), the videos: [one](https://youtu.be/bWaQegmdzT4) and [two](https://youtu.be/VMYP1ab1trg). 
> 
> Soundtrack:  
> [ _Been Good To Know Ya_](https://open.spotify.com/track/136sgok7ZeYKnzzfgM3DBk?si=NvGIOEdVQrOFqPmMzRkhRQ)  
> [ _Never Fade Away (SAMURAI Cover)_](https://open.spotify.com/track/6pV1lc8lIc8ARNB6KsZukt?si=ybSGxbYXS2eBX8yMuHSRXA)

_ “And it was a sight to behold, he said, how a soul would choose its life.  _

_ Sometimes pitiable, sometimes laughable, at times wonderful and strange.” _

There is a void outside and there is a void inside her. The space outside the Mikoshi station is dark and filled with stars and nothingness. The endless amount of light years of nothingness, the void so vast, a human mind is incapable of perceiving it.

Yet the void inside her feels bigger, deeper.

Empty, was the first thing that she felt, when she woke up. Sick, crippled. 

She expected to feel lonely. More alone than she has been these past several weeks with Johnny being a constant, often annoying, presence in her mind.

She doesn’t feel lonely, yet. There is a hole though. In the place where there was something, something important. And it hurts, pulls at her, hurts like there is still something there to hurt, but there is nothing.

She was ready to miss Johnny, but it is a piece of her that is gone too.

_ They are cuttin’ the piece of us out. _

Mental twins, the doctor called it. V heard of identical twins being separated. The way they almost feel how the other feels. The way one crumbles if the other dies.

She wonders if what she feels now is worse. A seeping wound in her psyche, on her soul. She never believed in the existence of souls, not in the sense that religion puts into it.

_ Respond to the keywords - no thinking, just the first word that comes to mind.  _

_ I. Me. _

_ A void. _

She wonders if just the mind alone can hurt like that.

She dreams. The nightmares, that his voice makes only worse. 

She undergoes tests. Same ones, day after day after day. 

_ Betrayal. _

_ Me. _

She didn’t see this as a betrayal when she called Hanako and agreed to her offer. She didn’t question her choice when she entered the elevator with Hellman. 

_ “Fate is a fickle mistress, isn’t she? You spend your whole life fighting something only to become that very same thing.” _

She didn’t believe she did wrong when she met Johnny in Mikoshi.

_ “That’s what you think? I betrayed you?” _

_ “Worse. Lots. You betrayed yourself.”  _

It feels different now, here, in this cold empty place, and perhaps it is something that they cut off of her psyche that is no longer there now, that the taste of betrayal sits bitter on her tongue. 

She didn’t see it somehow, but now with Johnny gone ― with the part of her gone with him,  _ them _ gone ― the very idea of being here, in the Mikoshi station, having surrendered her body under the knives of Arasaka doctors, feels wrong. 

_ Principle. _

_ Johnny. _

She never shared Johnny’s sentiments about corporations. Yet she didn’t agree to Hanako’s offer out of spite. It felt right back then.

Right now it seems pointless. Perhaps she should’ve gone for the gun in the end. 

_ Loyalty. _

_ Johnny! _

The doctor tells her she lost some memories forever, and she wonders which they are. There is no way to determine what or who she has forgotten about ― whatever it was there it didn’t leave any trace.

She remembers the people behind the names in her holo contacts. She eyes them one by one, and doesn’t call anyone. 

It is quiet, here, and it is even quieter in her head now, and she feels like she is drowning in this silence accompanying the gaping hole in her soul. 

She trashes the place when she has had enough and passes out, again, and hopes, maybe she would die, just die now, turn off, and won’t feel this void inside that makes her feel so sick and so broken. She wanted to live, but not this way, and she wants to not be anymore, and thinks that Johnny would despise her even more now for these thoughts ― they came all this way only for her to give up.

_ Worse. Lots. You betrayed yourself. _

Takemura’s offer would make her laugh if she still had it in her. Being stuck inside Mikoshi, potentially forever, as if these past few days of agony have not been enough. 

They would store you, he said. For the time being. 

Limbo, that’s what it would be. A neverending non-existence, alone only with her grief to keep her company. 

That’s what it is, grief.

She doesn’t know who she is grieving for. Johnny. Herself. That part that was cut off that was them both. 

She throws away the contract, takes her things, returns back to Night City. 

Misty brings back their cat that she has been taking care of in V’s absence. Her cat. It is her cat now. There is no “we” anymore.

Johnny was the one who noticed the empty bowls and the note and insisted on finding some cat food. He was the one that ushered V out of the apartment one very,  _ very _ early morning to check if the cat had eaten the food. 

He was the one that reminded her every night that they needed to return home at least once in 24 hours to feed the animal, when she was too preoccupied blowing some thugs heads in an attempt to distract herself.

He was the one who then would spend hours crouching in front of the cat, watching him, even talking to him, as if the animal would hear. 

Sometimes she thought the cat did. Would turn his head to where Johnny stood, look at him, tilt his head as if in curiosity. 

It was amusing to watch them. Johnny more than the cat. 

There is no one to talk to the cat now. V spends her days tucked in the corner of her bed, watching Night City’s sky through the window.

The cat meows. The cat walks around and searches for something. He looks up at V sometimes, big eyes questioning something, and there is nothing V can tell him.

She would search too, if she knew there was someone to search for. There is no one. Not anymore.

“Wake me up, if you find him,” she mutters, rolling to her back.

You would feel better at first, Takemura told her.

Strange, it feels like the hole inside her hurts only more with every day passing.

The cat meows.

V closes her eyes. 

  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Have an idea to make this into a multichap fix-it, make V return each time to the moment of making a decision and trying smth new, but need to try other endings myself first. 
> 
> Anyways, if you liked it and have smth to say or unload, pls leave a comment, I would really appreciate it


End file.
